Omnibus Prediction Market Prognosticator Election Edition.

Pachinko: like a heartbeat baby trying to wake up.

Like any thinking American person, my attention has been ricocheting like the steel balls in a pachinko machine on speed on crack, over the last few weeks. Also, like a roller coaster that's like the steel balls in a pachinko machine on speed on crack. Also: like a rocketship to Mars on a roller coaster that's like the steel balls in a pachinko machine on speed on crack. Ricocheting, is what I'm saying. Highs, lows. Exacerbated by speedy substances. Noise and signal.

Like you, dear reader, I'll be glad to have it all over. Unless it doesn't turn out the way I want it to, of course.

The roller coaster of my electoral attentions.

After all my reading/ricocheting, it seems to me that I'm in as good a position as anyone to declare my predictions and prognostications.

Speed, bien sur.

1. Utah will go...Republican. That seems likely.

2. Gerrymandering is the sport of choice among Utah legislators, and they don't even need a license.

3. Given #2, I predict that Utah will have four Republican congresspeople, and certain people that I have, in the past, called "demagogue" in the newspaper will no longer be the demagogue-iest of them all, and that's the truth. It can always get worse (is my basic political philosophy).

4. Orrin Hatch will retain his stentorian grasp on the Senate seat. Until his very last breath.

Not that I'm bitter.

The Presidential race? Please. I am not going to jinx that with some wild-eyed, crack-fueled, poll-reading, Nate-Silver-Sam-Wang-loving bender. I am just crossing my fingers, like all the other thinking, praying, chicken-bone-polishing, icon-kissing patriots.

to the moon! or Mars!

See you tomorrow. Vote, will ya? Like a rocketship to Mars?