A true story.

Once not so long ago--about a week and a half ago, in fact--I was asked in a flattering way if I wanted to participate in a production of The Vagina Monologues. [Note: in case you have a sixth sense about these things, you are correct! It's possible that this post may contain the word "vagina" more times than you can shake a stick at. Although why you would want to shake a stick, I can't imagine.]

I thought about it, and then I said, yes, sure, why not? I'm a forward thinking person, I am a feminist, I think a show that is all about embracing the female body [note: there are a lot of words you could use in place of "embracing"--loving, empowering, etc.--and all of them get you close to the fact that we're not all that comfortable with the female body, after all, which is part of the whole point of The Vagina Monologues, which is why it's a good thing to do that production every year on or about V-day--that's V for Valentine's and, not uncoincidentally, V for Vagina.], so why wouldn't I want to be a part of The Vagina Monologues? I would. Yes, I would. Kind of.

However, an obstacle ensued to my participation in The Vagina Monologues, an obstacle in two parts. Part 1: a preliminary rehearsal that happened to fall on the morning after the sleepover with grandchildren, a morning heavily scheduled with waffle-making and waffle-eating. Part 2: a preliminary rehearsal that got rescheduled for later that day, a part of the day that was heavily scheduled with a going-out-to-lunch to celebrate my son-in-law's birthday.

So I had to bow out of the preliminary rehearsal, although it wasn't supposed to be a deal-breaker. In the meantime, I received a script of The Vagina Monologues, whereupon I read it and found, in fact, that the word "vagina" occurs many, many, many, many, many, many times in that script. Wow, I thought, this script uses the word "vagina" a lot. But, I thought, I am nothing if not forward-thinking. I am a feminist. Oh, I can say the word "vagina" in a huge theater full of people. Sure. Not only am I forward-thinking and a feminist, but I am brave. I can say "vagina" with a zillion people watching.

So, I followed up. On Monday, I e-mailed to find out how the preliminary rehearsal had gone and what monologue I would be reading. Well! That preliminary rehearsal was, in fact, the deal-breaker. And they had enough people. So, guess what? No saying "vagina" in a crowded theater for me.

And that is the story of The Vagina Monologues, and my participation therein, or not. The end.

tags: V