Consultationist.

This week, I have many, many appointments with important people. Also known as "my students." We will be discussing their work at this preliminary interval in the semester, the interval known as "OMG will it never end?" My services as a consultant include

• revealing to the client (aka "student"), in a persuasive way, the extent to which s/he has or has not measured up to the nebulous standards of the course (also known as "outcomes").
• encouragement, strict talk, and the smackdown.
• foregoing lunch to speak to him/her at his/her convenience.
• gradually developing office stench (acquired from hours on end in an office chair--atmosphere is part of any good consultation).
• written comments! some of which are delivered in the outcomes grid!

I'm getting so dang good at the consultations that I thought I might offer a fuller menu of consultations, such as

• assessing whether you're working too hard (you almost certainly are).
• doing a paper audit of your life to see if you need to take a day off (you totally deserve it!).
• evaluating whether you need to go back to the store to buy that one sweater you saw yesterday (yes).
• measuring your joke against my impeccable criteria to see if it's funny (usually, it is [metric: did I laugh?]).
• assessing whether you need a cookie (you almost certainly do).

I'll be happy to give you a written estimate for any of your consultation requirements.

TAGS: consultation, assessment, measures, grid, evaluation, audit